I am almost done with the last school project I have to work on outside of school. Then I can look for a job for a while.

Meanwhile, I’ve been really stressed lately. Job hunting these days is demoralizing; being rejecting for a job online before a human even looks at my application. I don’t have much time left before I won’t get paid this summer, so money is on my mind a lot. I’m also quite lonely, as I do not want to seek romantic leads without having financial stability. And my studio has major chi blockage with all my storage boxes littering my kitchen. Dom isn’t in a good place yet.

Times like these are when I turn to spirituality and prayer. Really. The problem with that is that as I try to attune myself to higher states of being, I naturally find my more basic side seeks equal redress–I swing toward each extreme like a pendulum, with increasing momentum. Each act of [beauty/piety/nobility] is matched with so urge of consumption or depravity. Counterweights don’t bring harmony.

What I have done is establish a Purge Day–a pressure realease in my spiritual regimen. Today, I listened to none of my own music or my own thoughts (if you know what I’m like in the car, you know how intertwined the two are). I was stuck with inane chatter on the radio, but it wasn’t my internal dialogue of shoulds and fear and psychic static. I allowed myself to accept the happenings of the day without self-conciousness. I didn’t think much at all today, but I also let go of my spiritual disciplines for a bit. I feel there is a lesson here I can almost grasp, but we’ll digest it together as I explain thr foundations of my spiritual outlook (later~).

I also made an appointment to talk to an advisor at FIDM, a design school in San Diego and (mostly) in LA. I know that I can achieve great things if I can afford to go. I’m so financially dumb, it’s not funny. I want to go there so much, but there are big things in the works, besides financing. More on that later, too. I need to make some phone calls tomorrow.

See you soon, WordPress.